Boundaries

Boundaries, we all need them, personally and professionally! Do you even have any?? Not everyone appreciates boundaries or my boundaries but they are very necessary for everyones existence, mental wellbeing and overall health.

Do you drop everything for friends, family, co-workers, bosses and feel exhausted at the end of the day? Do you have people who constantly TAKE, TAKE, TAKE from you and you receive NOTHING in return? Yes, there are times when we must drop things for emergencies or when life happens, but that shouldn’t have to be all the time where you’re constantly getting depleted and not being filled up yourself. Sometimes we’re so caught up in a cycle that we don’t even realize we’re being taken advantage of or being used. Once I began to realize where I was becoming drained or feeling resentful that’s when I stopped and began to say ‘no!’

NO and CHANGE aren’t easy words to say or do and it does take practice to do so, even baby steps, but my goodness it feels so empowering when you begin to start. There are appropriate ways to letting people down easy and saying no, which still takes practice but that is called progress.

You’re probably reading this and starting to scroll through your thoughts on who exhausts, drains, irritates, or makes your skin crawl and that’s a great place to start. If it’s a one sided relationship then what can you do to begin to say the “n” word, No! Perhaps it starts with not answering the phone every time it rings. Listen to the voicemail and feel into it if it needs a call back right away or can wait a little bit. It’s not that you’re being vindictive or deceitful, you’re just beginning to enforce your boundaries and prioritizing your day. Nothing wrong with that!

I had very poor boundaries with people growing up. I didn’t know I needed them actually. It wasn’t until my 20’s, when EVERYTHING in my life changed, that I learned about boundaries and started to put some up. It was very challenging for me not to be fully accessible to people, letting people down because I wanted to please everyone, I wouldn’t drop everything for them when “they” needed me, and that is also when I started realizing who my friends really were. That was hard! My so called friends no longer wanted to hang out or called for rides because that’s all I was to some of them. I was like “got it, check!”

Now, I have very good boundaries and I’m very proud of that! It took me a long time to get here but boy oh boy, it sure feels good. It is a MUST to have boundaries personally and most importantly in my career. I am not “on or available” 24/7 as some people hope. It’s important to maintain my life and health to have clear boundaries. Also, I do need a life outside of my career that helps me to recharge my battery, a chance to play, have fun, socialize and gives me the gusto to keep going on my path. If I didn’t have boundaries I would be very crabby, irritable, unclear of the messages I’m receiving and not too nice to chat with I’m sure of.

Even teaching classes there are students who try to teach the class for me. They’ll try to talk over me, correct me, try to talk a student of mine into “their” class, and act like they know more then me. I do realize those are THIER issues but that affects my students, the energy of the class, and I have to constantly talk them down or back into their energetic space. Believe me, those type of people exist and I am fortunate not to have many of those people, but I do get tested every so often.

I encourage my students to learn from other teachers, read more books, take more classes but I do demand ethics and integrity when doing so in my class.

People will steal my entire class hand-out or info and act like it is “their material.” I do my best to honor my teachers and resources and give credit to them for I wouldn’t be where I am at without them. But it is completely unethical and shady for former students to copy my material. Another example where boundaries need to be enforced!

Cancellations: Some people feel that since I’m a non-conventional business they can cancel an hour before their appt, no call or no show, or act like it’s not a big deal to reschedule. Well my friends, IT IS A BIG DEAL! I’m an entrepreneur and this is my full time job where I rely on clients and students for the equal exchange of energy and financial support. People seem to forget that and it’s up to me to remind them and enforce my boundaries for my business etc…

Thankfully, it’s usually new clients and not my repeat clients for I have a strict policy of less then 24 hour notice the next appt must be prepaid otherwise I will not schedule them! Period!

Some people will challenge your boundaries, push them, trample over them and ignore your boundaries but it is up to YOU to enforce them. Sometimes we have to be firm, yet loving with these people and other times just plain old NO will suffice. There are people who are constantly taking from people and leave quite a blazed trail of hurt and disrespect behind them.

What can you do to begin to set up your boundaries and gently enforce them? Do you even have any? Do you even know what they are or where you would like to have them? Boundaries are lifesaving tools that ensure balance, stability, respect, admiration and very important learning opportunities for everyone involved.

You may have some homework to do…